


The Infamous Merle Dixon

by Magentas_Nightmare



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Longing, Love-Making, Meaningless Sex, Regret, Sad and Sweet, Slow Burn, relationship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:33:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22397695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magentas_Nightmare/pseuds/Magentas_Nightmare
Summary: When Daryl moves away with a serious girlfriend, Merle finds himself lonely and unsure what to do with himself. Unfortunately, he finds a less than intelligent way to spend his time (a LOT of sleeping around).Everything is fine until he realizes that the one person he has real feelings for might not be able to trust him or take him seriously due to his own behavior.
Relationships: Merle Dixon and ???
Comments: 40
Kudos: 23





	1. ~ Just a Random Email

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to move at a slower pace than many of my stories and there is a lot of relationship building that is necessary for the story. Overall I think this will be less than 15 chapters (not quite done writing it yet) so it won't take years to get to the end or anything. lol It's just a nice angsty slow burner and I hope you like it:)  
> Teagan xoxo

_Blinding Lights - The Weekend_

**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHI8X4OXluQ> **

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ Just a Random Email

**Chapter 1**

Merle Dixon needed bacon and eggs that morning, so he wandered down the street to the little discount grocery store in a bright beam of sunshine. Life was good, or so he thought. He had a sweet gig as his own boss doing handyman work in the little town where he'd been born. He knew everyone and everyone knew him. The work was good and regular due to there being a lack of trained servicemen in the area. If anyone had an electrician's ticket, they'd move to a larger city to make more money. Merle loved the little town of Clayton but most of the people he grew up with were gone now. Clayton was way up at the tippy top of the state and all the way to the east, far removed from any of the major cities in Georgia. It was a beautiful place situated at the base of the Black Rock Mountains but it was in the middle of nowhere. Merle was more than happy to be where he was but a lot of the younger people were leaving for greener pastures. At 34, Merle was ready to stay put till they planted him in the ground.

Merle sauntered up and down the aisles to see if there was anything else he needed. He was living with his buddy Axle now since Daryl had moved out of town with Kim and Axle was always drinking all the coffee or using the last of the toilet paper without replacing it. He picked up a can of coffee and a newspaper on the way to the cooler to buy the bacon and eggs when he almost ran right into Karen.

“Sorry,” he muttered and backed away after quickly grabbing the two items he needed.

Karen was with Tyreese and he avoided eye contact as usual until Ty decided to start up a conversation.

“Hey, Merle. I was wondering if you had some extra time this summer.”

“Sure, what's up?”

“Wanted to put a new railing on the deck off the back porch.”

“No problem. Email me and lemme know what you're thinking of and I'll send you a quote.”

“Great. See ya later, man.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

Ty walked past him and he caught Karen's eye for a moment; he hated moments like that.

/

He made it back home where Axle was stretched out on the couch rolling a joint and cracking a beer well before noon. Merle started to fry bacon in the pan and cranked up some music to get the day off the ground. He missed his brother badly for the last year and had started sleeping around a little just to stop himself going stir crazy. He didn't know who he was in Clayton without Daryl. Now that Axle was there, he was a little less lonely but had fallen into a bad routine of sleeping with women he was doing jobs for, including Karen. If Ty ever found out he'd be dead as a doornail but she wasn't about to say a word and neither was he.

Merle devoured the eggs and bacon and split a joint with Axle before leaving to start on a fence repair job for Sasha on the other side of town. Sasha was younger than him and gorgeous. He had bought her a drink at the bar the week before when she asked him about fixing the broken boards in her fence. If he wasn't totally losing it, she seemed at least a little interested in him and he was eager to see if it was only drunk talk for that one night or if he could add her to his list of women.

He arrived at her place just after noon as arranged and pulled off his t-shirt to unload the wood from his truck to get started.

“Hey, Merle!” she called from the back door.

“Hey, honey! How goes it?”

“Not bad. You wanna drink?”

“Sure.”

He was expecting a coffee or a lemonade but she handed him an ice-cold beer and he noted the strapless top and denim shorts she was wearing as his mind raced.

“This'll take me forever if you get me hammered,” he chuckled.

“That's OK, it's summer so it's totally allowed,” she winked.

“We got different rules in the summer?” he joked as he began to cut the wood down to size.

“Definitely,” she nodded.

Merle knew already how it was going to go and he wasn't about to fight it. He had nobody to belong to except for a night here and there so he'd take what he could get. Daryl had promised he wasn't going anywhere just because he was shacked up with Kim, but he hadn't seen him in months since he moved to Augusta and they only spoke once a week on the phone.

He was just finished replacing the broken boards around 4 pm when he decided to pack it in for the day.

“I'll come back in a day or two to stain it, I just don't have this color of stain with me,” he explained as he started to load his tools onto the bed of his truck.

“Sure you don't wanna come in for another drink instead?” she smiled. “I was thinking of starting a fire when it gets dark.”

“Sure thing, thanks,” he nodded.

In her tiny kitchen, he slammed back another beer or two as they chatted about nothing in particular and out of nowhere she was in his arms. Sasha Williams was a stunning 24-year-old woman who could have anyone but she was on the rebound from a bad break up and had apparently forgotten that.

They kissed clumsily toward the living room and he pulled her down into his lap as they sank onto her couch. She yanked off his t-shirt and he rid her of her strapless top to find her braless. Everything moved so fast he could barely keep up, but it was beautiful madness. Soon they were both butt naked and he was sliding a condom on to get the show on the road before either of them realized it was absolutely moronic and ill-conceived. He held her tight straddling his lap at one point and the way she rode him blew his mind. It was a hell of a good time but he knew it was purely physical. She kept her eyes closed most of the time and he had the distinct impression that she was pretending to still be with her ex or something. Merle didn't really care though, he just wanted to feel good for the night too. He knew it was going nowhere and would only happen once and it didn't matter.

Merle was awake before Sasha was and left her a nice note explaining that he was honored to be with her for the night but that he didn't expect anything from her now. If she wanted to call him he'd love to hear from her, but she shouldn't feel obligated. It was a standard note by now. He would have been happy to see her again but he knew what it was and didn't see the point in making it awkward.

/

He was home around 7 am to find Axle passed out on the porch in his deck chair.

“Dude...Axle...wake up!”

“Huh...uh.....wha?”

“Go to bed,” Merle grumbled. “You make us look like a bunch of yahoos passing out on the porch all the time.”

“Sorry, Merle. You having the Queen over for tea later?”

“Shut up.”

Merle crawled into bed for a nap and checked his business emails quickly before turning in. He scrolled through a bunch of nothing messages to the top of the list to see the name Carol Peletier. Why would she be emailing him?

_Merle, I had some damage in my house that I need to have fixed and I was wondering if you could give me a quote. (see attached photos). I'm in no rush._

_Thanks,_

_Carol_

He looked at the photos of her home and thought of Ed Peletier. All of the damage in her house had been caused by her dead husband Ed and Merle hated that she had to live in a house full of the aftermath. Three months ago Ed Peletier had been out driving drunk and ran his car off the road. Thankfully he was the only one killed in the process. Her house needed a fair bit of work, there was a broken window, holes punched in the drywall, and a busted door and frame. Merle imagined how a door frame would be busted like that. There was a good chance that she was trying to get away from him and he wasn't having it, the thought gave Merle chills. His own father had been like that with his mom before she died and he knew what it was like to live in fear. Merle was glad that Ed was dead now, Carol didn't deserve to live that way. He thought of the lowest quote he could possibly give her and sent a message back. He would have done the work for free but she didn't seem like the type to except charity.

Merle had known Carol since they were kids and he always had a soft spot for her. They never ran in the same circles but he was somehow always aware of her and paid attention to who she was dating and what was going on with her. Carol was a bookworm in school who got good grades and he was a Dixon who liked to get into mischief, they were never meant to be friends but she was always on his radar nonetheless. Just a random email had his mind turning over memories of high school and contemplating who he was now compared to back then.


	2. ~ Dirty Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be much different by the ending, it will not stay this heavy. lol   
> This is just necessary to set up what comes next.   
> Thanks for reading:) Teagan xoxo

_Dirty Love - Mt. Joy_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhN3xL3qfMc>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ Dirty Love

**Chapter 2**

Merle woke up at 2 pm to a call from Daryl and a boiling hot bedroom that made him feel like he was going to die. Apparently Axle had gone out and forgot to turn on the AC, again.

“Hey, man. How's it going?” he groaned.

“Good. Guess what?”

"I ain't much for guessing games,” Merle muttered.

“Kim's pregnant! You're gonna be an uncle.”

“Cool. Congrats.”

“You OK?”

“Yeah, I just woke up.”

“At 2 pm?”

“I had a good night last night,” he chuckled.

“I bet. So when are you settling down?”

“I don't know, mom,” Merle sighed.

“What's your problem?”

“Nothing, sorry. I'm just still waking up here. I'm happy for you, Daryl. You'll be a great dad.”

“Thanks. So, you gonna come down to visit sometime?”

“Maybe. My schedule is a little packed in the summer but maybe in the fall.”

“That works, well I better get moving but it's good to hear your voice.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Merle rolled over in bed to rest his eyes again and knew he'd have to get up for some water and to throw on the AC before he died of heat exhaustion. He was in the process of getting up when his phone let him know he had an email. It was Carol again.

_Thanks a lot for the quote, it's a lot lower than I was expecting. I just wanted the work done by fall so whenever is good for you is good for me. No rush. Carol_

Merle lay there for a moment thinking about the last time he'd seen Carol, only a few weeks before. She was at the farmer's market buying honey and he had thought of stopping to say something about Ed's passing but had no idea what to say. He was happy the guy was dead and she probably wasn't too distraught over it, so offering condolences felt wrong. She looked more at peace when he saw her and that was good. For years he would see her in cardigans in the summer and she wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. Merle wished he'd put the guy straight years ago but how did you just walk up to the door of a girl you went to high school with and tell her husband to get the fuck out of her life?

Carol taught grade 4 at the elementary school and he was surprised that nobody she worked with stepped in. People in small towns liked to gossip and everyone knew damn well what was happening, but it didn't mean anyone was willing to step in and do something about it. Merle pushed the thought aside, it was too heavy for first thing in the morning and he needed water before he passed out.

Merle got up and drank about a gallon of water and cranked up the AC full tilt. He was going to kill Axle when he got back. He had a job downtown for later in the day to replace a neon sign down on Main Street and jumped in the shower to get moving. He booked the job for 6 pm so that at least he wouldn't have to be out in the blazing sun and he arrived about 20 minutes early to get going.

The blonde attorney who worked at the law office next door stepped outside and watched him working at the top of a tall ladder. He could feel her eyes on him and wondered what the hell she wanted. He climbed down when he was finished to see that she was still there.

“Hey,” he nodded.

“Hey there. Aren't you afraid of falling from there?” she asked with a little smile.

“Not really. I'm more afraid of spiders than ladders.”

She laughed and tossed her hair back off her shoulders playfully. Merle had no idea why she was even speaking to him but he went with it anyway.

“You done for the day?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Would you mind having a look at something for me?”

“Sure, what am I lookin' at?” he asked.

“There's a door in my office that's not closing properly.”

He was regularly asked to look at odd jobs around town so he cleaned up after the sign job and followed her up to her office on the top floor of the older brick building. Merle had a look at the door and grabbed a drill out of his tool bag to unscrew the latch plate and lower it about 3cm so that it would latch and she'd be able to lock it at the end of the evening.

“Thanks so much. I have a lot of important documents in here that I need to keep secure for legal reasons,” she smiled.

“No problem.”

He noted her name on the door 'Andrea Harrison' which was helpful cause she was one of the few people in town he didn't know by name. He only knew her as the hot lawyer lady downtown.

“How much can I pay you?”

“It took less than ten minutes and I was already out, don't worry about it,” he nodded.

She unbuttoned her red blazer and pulled her hair out of a clip to let it fall over her shoulders then and he felt like he was in a bad porno.

“Uh...yeah, well I'll see ya.”

He didn't know what else to say.

“I'm going to have a glass of scotch before I go. Did you want one?”

“I guess so...since when do you offer me drinks? Do you even know my name?” he asked with a frown of confusion.

“I've heard about you from a friend,” she smirked.

“Who?”

“Michonne.”

“Ohhh!”

He understood now. Merle had slept with Michonne over a month ago and if he remembered correctly, she was more than pleased with him. If she didn't have a boyfriend he would have expected phone calls from her she was so impressed.

“Yeah, she says that you possess a certain set of skills that I might be interested in,” Andrea purred.

“That's a hell of a fancy way to say I eat good pussy,” he retorted.

“So it's true then?” she went on.

“Yeah, it's true.”

Merle was better than most in bed and he knew it. He didn't find it that amazing though, most men could be a hell of a lot better if they just paid attention and actually cared if the woman got off, but most men just wanted to cum and couldn't care less if the woman enjoyed it. Merle liked the ego stroke of pleasing a woman and didn't see sex as successful unless she came nice and loud. If he just wanted to get off then why not just jerk off he figured.

He could see that she hadn't planned her seduction beyond this point and decided to just throw her a fuck and get it over with. She was pretty and he would surely enjoy it, but he knew that it was only a game to her, something to chat with her friends about, a little bit of scandal in her busy professional life.

Merle stepped toward her as she leaned her ass against a mahogany desk that probably cost more than his truck. He kissed her hard and crawled over her on top of her file folders and sticky notes. He may as well fulfill the fantasy she had in her mind, 'a dirty work-man fucking her on her desk' type of daydream. He stripped her bare and went down on her as he sat in her fancy leather office chair. She writhed on the desktop and moaned his name like he was her prince charming and he enjoyed the boost to his self-esteem. Andrea Harrison wouldn't be caught dead with him in public but she sure liked his 'skills'. Merle grabbed a condom from his regularly depleted stash in his pocket and bent the fancy lawyer lady over her desk to fuck her senseless. It was a hell of a good lay and he headed home afterwards feeling a little like a king. The feeling never lasted long, but it was good while it lasted. It was silly and he knew he probably should bring an end to his early midlife crisis in town but he had nothing else now that Daryl was gone.

“What the hell were you thinking not turning on the AC this morning?” he grumbled when he got home and found Axle reclining on the couch without a care in cool comfort. “I damn near sweat by bag off!”

“Sorry, brother. Just forgot.”

Merle rolled his eyes and jumped in the shower. He was planning to get plastered and then take a day off maybe. Having as much sex as he did wiped a guy out and he needed some r&r. Merle emerged from the shower feeling human again and couldn't help mentioning his latest conquest to Axle.

“Guess who just nailed Andrea Harrison?” he winked as he grabbed a beer.

“Who?”

“That blonde lawyer in town.”

“Yeah right.”

“I did!”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, Michonne told her I'm worth fucking and she just wanted a quick one I guess.”

“You sure do get around.”

“Yeah, one woman just keeps leading to another. It's like I'm the town tramp or something.”

“Don't want a girlfriend?” Axle inquired and Merle didn't like the question, it reminded him that he was alone despite all the women he'd been with.

“Nah...what for?” he scoffed to push away the downer comment that he didn't want to face.

“I don't know. I wouldn't mind a girlfriend to hang out with and cuddle at night,” Axle explained.

“You mean pass out with on the porch?” Merle joked.

“Or that, it don't matter really. I just wouldn't mind having a woman around who really likes me.”

Merle downed his beer fast and immediately went to grab another.

“You got any more weed?” he asked.

“Sure.”

Merle smoked up to forget and relax and got good and drunk before the night was over. He felt nothing as he went to bed and that's just what he wanted, no loneliness or longing for anything or anyone, just blackness behind his eyelids.

  
  



	3. ~ Infamous

_Infamous - Basia Bulat_

_<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cf1jBKx3Zo> _

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ Infamous

**Chapter 2**

Two days later Merle stumbled upon the email from Carol again and decided to get his ass back to work. As he picked up the phone to dial her number, he couldn't help thinking of the way he'd been spending his time in the last year. All the sex was leaving him feeling dirty and empty. He knew all the women he slept with pretty well and didn't have any reason to think they had anything he could catch but all the same he was glad that he never forgot to cover his bases and wear a condom. The dirtiness he felt was more about the times he'd slept with women who were in relationships. To his knowledge, he'd been 'the other man' on two occasions in the last year and he felt like shit about it.

Merle needed to stop having empty trysts with women and just relate to someone in a real way. He needed to hold a real conversation with someone about everything so that maybe he could get his life straightened out. Maybe Carol could be that person. From what he remembered she had always been known as a genuine girl back in high school, she was known as a good friend a person could rely on.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Carol.”

He didn't bother saying it was him, his voice was distinctive. A gravelly, rough sounding growl that everyone in town recognized without a second thought.

“Oh hey! How's it going?”

“I'm getting by I guess,” he chuckled.

She sounded strangely happy to hear from him and he couldn't even remember the last time they'd spoken. Carol married Ed while she was still in college to become a teacher and then almost nobody in town was allowed to speak to her very much.

“So you need a couple of jobs done and I got some time today to take a look and get some measurements and stuff if that works.”

“Sure, come on over anytime. I'm just baking all day anyway.”

“Baking?”

“Yeah, they're having a charity bake sale thing at the senior home in a couple of days so I'm making a bunch of muffins to take over.”

“That's nice of you.”

“It's nothing, I'm trying to stay busy these days anyway.”

“I get it...so how's everything going with...everything?”

He didn't know how to ask how life was now that her husband was dead with any kind of tact.

“It's OK now, just trying to start over, you know?” she said.

“I get it, I hope things get better for you.”

“I'm sure they will now,” she answered.

“So I'll see you in a bit then?”

“Perfect. Thanks a lot.”

“No problem.”

/

Carol was on her hands and knees planting flowers in the front yard when he got there and he took a long pause to appreciate her tight ass in denim shorts. Carol was looking great since Ed died, she looked like the Carol he knew from high school. For years she'd been dressed so modestly and hiding from the world and here she was in shorts and a tank top planting flowers.

“Hey there!” he called from the truck.

“Hey, Merle. How's your brother doing these days?”

“He's gonna be a daddy apparently,” Merle noted as he carried his toolbox to the house.

“That's nice, tell him congrats for me,” she smiled as she got to her feet and started to wipe her dusty hands on the ass of her shorts. “I'll show you where the work is inside.”

He followed her inside and the place was full of light. She was painting some of the rooms to brighten it up even more and he could see that she was starting over.

“Looks good in here,” he noted.

“Thanks, I'm taking it one bit at a time but these holes have to go,” she winced.

“Definitely. I'll get it looking better in no time. A week tops and it'll be a new place.”

“I can't wait,” she smiled.

She showed him the holes Ed had punched in the walls and she looked embarrassed by how many there were. A kitchen timer went off and she switched a batch of muffins in the oven for an unbaked batch.

“Busy day,” he noted.

“Too many irons in the fire,” she laughed, “but it's all good.”

She finished with the oven and reset the timer before saying that she better get outside to finish the planting before it got too hot.

“There's lemonade in the fridge if you're thirsty,” she nodded.

Merle started on the job with the distinct impression that she had zero interest in him and a cocky little part of him wondered why not. He planned out the job and measured the window she needed replaced for new glass, it wasn't a long job but he liked talking to her so he wasn't in a rush to complete it.

She was playing music outside the window in the yard and singing along softly so he stopped to listen and tried to place the song. Carol was always playing music back in high school that he'd never heard of, reading books he didn't recognize. It was just like her to be unusual but in the best possible way.

_**Saw the pictures, read all your darkest thoughts  
While you were waitin', ready to brush me off  
We could be friendly, we could be out of touch  
We could be famous or even infamous  
If you want** _

_**Come back or not but call it off  
Come back or don't but turn me down  
Don't waste my time pretending love is somewhere else  
Come back or not but call it off  
Come back or don't but turn around  
Stop wasting time pretending love is somewhere else** _ **  
**  
  
  


Carol seemed so happy now that she was free and he was very happy for her.

“I think I got all the information I need. I'll go pick up the stuff today and come back tomorrow if that works,” he said on his way out.

“Sure. Thanks a lot. What do you think?” she grinned, looking down at the flowerbed filled with pansies and petunias.

“Looks real pretty,” he smiled. “Soon the whole place will look better for you.”

“Hopefully someone will buy it and make some happy memories here,” she noted.

“Oh, you're selling?”

“Gonna try to anyway.”

“Where are you moving to?” he frowned.

Carol had always lived in Clayton, he couldn't imagine the town without her.

“I don't even know yet, but I just feel like there's nothing here for me now. Between you and me, I'll never live Ed down in this town. Nobody can see me as anything but a battered wife and it's a little depressing.”

“If it means anything, I don't see you that way.”

“You don't”

“Nope. I still see you as the girl I knew in high school.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” she smiled.

Merle had no idea why he thought it would work, but he was programmed to try his luck with women and it happened without him thinking.

“Did you wanna maybe have a drink or something tonight?” he asked. “You sure do look pretty, Carol.”

“Are you trying to get me in bed, Merle Dixon?” she asked.

“Uh...yeah, is it working?”

“I'm not in a place where I could go there, although God knows I could use a reason to smile even for a few hours. I'm very flattered to be included in your harem, though,” she smiled. “It reminds me that I'm still a woman after everything that's happened.”

“I'm sorry, Carol...I guess it's not such a secret what I've been up to.”

“Your reputation precedes you I'm afraid. The Infamous Merle Dixon, Casanova of Clayton,” she added.

“I'm sorry I tried this on you, Carol. I don't know what I was thinking.”

“It's OK. Like I said, it's really flattering. Maybe there's hope for me finding someone again after all.”

“You definitely will and he'll be a very lucky man...a better man than the likes of me.”

“Hey, I'm not judging you. Why not have fun if you don't want anything serious, right? I just couldn't handle being a notch on your belt. Some days I'm barely keeping it together and I don't think my self-esteem could take that kind of hit right now.”

She looked so fragile and he felt like the world's biggest asshole for trying to get in her panties when she was obviously not into being casual about sex. He couldn't think what else to do so he offered her a hug which she accepted surprisingly. In fact, she stayed still in his arms for a good minute or two.

“I haven't touched a living soul since the funeral...I needed a good hug,” she explained when she finally let him go.

“I got all the hugs you want, and I promise not to act like a shithead again,” he joked.

“It's OK, Merle. I'll happily take you up on the hugs,” she laughed.

/

Merle got home and felt like a fool as he plopped himself down on the couch. All the time he'd been having fun, he was just turning into the town joke. Not to mention that he'd gotten so used to coming on to women that he actually hit on a widow who was clearly not ready for anything like that, nor did she deserve to just be fucked.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked himself.

He pulled out one of his yearbooks to remind himself who he had been back in high school but there was only one picture of him from back then, his class picture. He wasn't in any clubs or anything, he barely showed up to class half the time. There were a lot more pictures of Carol, with her longer curly hair and glasses and a book in her hand in every shot. She had a pixie cut now that showed off her collar bones and her slim neck and he caught himself thinking about kissing her there for a moment.

Carol was so shy and cute looking in high school and he hated Ed for trying to destroy the girl she was. Thankfully it didn't look like he succeeded. Carol was still Carol and maybe stronger than ever. He admired how she kept her shit together and he couldn't even seem to handle his brother moving away. It was a shame that she couldn't take him seriously now because he found that he couldn't stop thinking about her. Carol was much better off with someone else but she was the kind of woman he'd be with if he had a choice. Sleeping around was so meaningless and he realized that now, it was the worst attempt at a cure for loneliness.

“You wanna go out tonight?” Axle hollered out of nowhere and he looked up to find him standing with a wad of cash in his hands.

“Where did you get all that?” Merle inquired.

“My grandma died a couple months ago and left it to me, just got it from the lawyers.”

“So you're gonna go get trashed?”

“Yep! You coming?”

“Why not?” Merle sighed and closed the yearbook.

/

Merle sat in the bar that night working on his fifth drink when he saw Sasha walk in and she wouldn't even make eye contact with him. He decided that he was swearing off sex and he didn't care if his dick fell off. He suddenly hated everything about who he was but there was nothing he could do to fix it now.

Drink after drink, Merle just kept it going till he forgot that he was a moron and wound up puking in the alley behind the bar at 4 am.

“Fuck,” he grumbled and lay back on a garbage bag for a moment till he could scramble to his feet again.

He was a mess and something had to change, he was 34 but felt a lot more like 64 at that moment.

Merle couldn't find Axle or his keys when he finally got home on foot and lay down on the porch just wishing the world would stop spinning.

He had promised to be back at Carol's the next day and hoped he lived to see the morning light, cause he felt like death as he lay there thinking one more time about kissing Carol's neck before he drifted off into oblivion...


	4. ~ An Ugly Gnome Between Friends

_Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCTMq7xvdXU>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ An Ugly Gnome Between Friends

**Chapter 4**

“You look like a hundred miles of rough road,” Carol winced when he stepped out of the truck around noon the next day. “This can wait for another day, it's no hurry.”

“It's OK. If I stay home I'll just feel worse.”

“Can I get you a nice black coffee?” she offered.

“That'd be nice, thanks.”

He parked his ass on her front steps and looked at her flowers and noticed a little gnome village she had placed there since the day before. There were a few gnomes and a giant mushroom and a wishing well; he couldn't help smiling.

“Here,” she said, coming out the front door to hand him the coffee and then sitting down next to him.

“Gnomes, huh?” he commented.

“Ed hated gnomes...so I'm going to have as many as possible,” she grinned.

“Do you like them?” he asked.

“Not really,” she laughed and he laughed too.

She leaned her head on his shoulder for the briefest of seconds and he felt a strange sensation running down his arms and back to his chest. Carol made him feel nervous but it didn't make sense cause he'd known her since they were kids.

“I pulled out my yearbooks the other night,” he said out of nowhere.

“Oh God, really?” she groaned. “I was such a dork.”

“You were cute as hell,” he corrected.

“You're sweet.”

“You're sweet. I'm a total douchebag,” he sighed.

“What's up with you?” she asked. “I don't think that about you.”

“I think that...nevermind. You don't need to listen to my shit.”

“Hey, we're friends, right? I don't mind,” she assured him.

“We are?” he blurted without thinking that it sounded really rude.

“Aren't we? You used to say hi to me sometimes at school and you always nod at me when I see you in town...well, I guess maybe friends is the wrong word.”

“No, of course we're friends. I just didn't realize that you thought we were friends too,” he insisted.

“Liar.”

“Well, I really wanna be friends now, doesn't that count?”

“I'll take it. So go ahead then, what's going on with you?”

“I feel like an idiot for the way I've been acting this last year. I just missed Daryl and living with Axle is driving me crazy but I don't really have an excuse for it.”

“Were you leading these women on?” she asked.

“I don't think so.”

“So you never promised them more and then left them heartbroken?”

“No, and most of them told me they didn't want to be with me like that anyway.”

“Then all you can do is let it go if it's not what you want anymore.”

“But now I'm a joke in this town. Nobody will take me seriously ever again.”

“Sure they will, just show people you're turning over a new leaf,” she suggested.

“How?”

“Just be different. Live the way you want people to see you and then they'll see that you're different.”

“Good idea,” he nodded. “I'll try it. How do I act like I wanna be someone's boyfriend?”

“You wanna be someone's boyfriend? That's sweet.”

“It's ridiculous. Nobody here wants to be caught dead with me now.”

“You need to give yourself a break, Merle,” she said nudging his leg with her own. “Nobody is perfect and that guy wasn't you, that's just what loneliness does to a person.”

“You think?”

“Sure. Sometimes life leads you astray and you forget that it's supposed to be you doing the leading. Things happen around you that you can't change sometimes and you just have to live with what's left and forgive yourself and make the best of it.”

He thought about what she said and it did make sense.

“It's gonna be OK, Merle. Forgive yourself for all of that and just move on,” she said softly and he was left on the steps with his thoughts as she got up to answer the phone ringing inside the house.

/

Merle worked on her house for most of the day and got the broken window replaced and fixed the busted door and frame. All he had left by suppertime was the drywall but there were quite a few holes and that would take a day or two more.

Carol had made a salad and asked if he'd like to stay for supper since it was already late in the day.

“If you got enough, I tend to eat a lot when it's rabbit food,” he chuckled.

“I think I have enough, I'll make some garlic bread too.”

“You don't have to fuss for me, Carol.”

“It's all good. Have a seat. I'd kinda like the company anyway.”

“I'd go crazy living alone,” he agreed.

“It sucks, but it's better than my old living situation.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

She served him salad and garlic bread and he watched her pick the tomatoes out of her salad with fascination.

“Why did you put the tomatoes in just to take them out?” he asked.

“It's so dumb,” she winced. “I hate tomatoes but he loved them so I'm programmed to buy the damn things and put them into food now...I hope this doesn't last forever.”

“It won't,” he assured her. “Someday you'll forget all about him.”

“I think moving will help. This house is haunted by him.”

“Do you have to leave town though?” he asked.

“You said that people here can't take you seriously now...I feel like that too.”

“Maybe we can both do what you said and just be different,” he suggested.

“Maybe. I'll give it a try.”

“I get it that you don't want to be in this house, but I'd miss you if you left Clayton.”

“You would?”

“We're friends, right?”

She smiled then and rolled her eyes a little.

“Right.”

/

Merle spent the evening with Axle watching TV and trying to think of ways to 'act differently' than he normally did. She said to act the way he wanted people to see him and he wanted people to think he was a nice guy who didn't only think of his own sexual needs. He wanted people to think that he was possible relationship material again. Running around with women brought him nothing but momentary pleasure and here he was sitting with Axle night after night.

Merle decided to do something for someone else, while he was getting his head straight, he may as well try out some good karma. He hoisted his ass off the couch and headed over to the grocery store to pick up some things he'd need for his good deed.

“Grab some toilet paper while you're out!” Axle shouted and Merle growled on his way out the door.

He scanned his phone for the items he needed and loaded them into a basket, wondering if he even had a cookie sheet at home. On his way back home he passed a garage sale where they just happened to be selling the ugliest gnome he'd ever seen in his life for only a dollar. Merle laughed to himself and bought it for Carol's garden.

He dropped his phone in the cookie dough once and had to fish egg shells out of the mixing bowl twice, but he managed to make an acceptable 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies for the bake sale. Axle wondered what the hell was going on with him but he didn't care to explain it, he just loaded the cookies up in his truck and drove them over to the senior home the next morning for the sale.

“Hey there, I made cookies for the sale,” he said to the woman behind the desk when he got there.

“Sure, thanks a lot! Just put them over here on this table and write your name on the place card so people can see who made them.”

“Sure,” he nodded and began laying out the cookies on the floral tablecloth.

He wrote 'Merle Dixon' on a place card and set it in front of the cookies he made and grinned to himself. He could still do good things, maybe he could be worth more than quick sex and an even quicker goodbye.


	5. ~ A Friends Date

_Heartbreak - Magistrates_

**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIq2t2cTIdI> **

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ A Friend Date

**Chapter 5**

Merle arrived at Carol's place around noon to finish the walls although it would probably take another day or so. Ed sure liked to use his fists.

Carol was watering her flowers when he got there and he surprised her with the awful gnome.

“That's horrible!” she laughed. “Where did you find it?”

“Garage sale. It's so hideous that it's gotta be cursed but I figured since you like 'em so much I'd grab it for you.”

“It's awesome. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“You know...I stopped by the bake sale this morning and noticed something interesting.”

“Yeah?” he asked, completely forgetting that he'd written his name on the place card.

“A certain Merle Dixon baked some cookies for charity and they were delicious,” she grinned.

“Thank God you didn't get any eggshells,” he laughed.

“Nope, they were pretty darn good.”

“I'm tryin' that thing you said about being different.”

“It's working already,” she smiled.

/

Merle worked on the holes in her basement first and was so happy that Ed was dead. He imagine the rage that created the holes and hated that she had been there when it was happening. He hated that Ed had ever lay his hands on her. Merle did the best work he could so that maybe she could look at the walls and forget the holes had ever been there. Maybe if he could put her home back together then Ed would stop haunting it and she'd consider staying.

“It looks so good!” she beamed at the end of the day.

“Not bad, hey? Just two more upstairs tomorrow and it'll be good as new.”

“I didn't think it could look like this again. One coat of paint and you'd never know there was a hole.”

“There's a house for sale in town, just a little place not far from here. Did you see?”

“The little blue place?”

“Yeah. Maybe you could live there,” he suggested.

“Maybe.”

He hoped like hell she'd stay so he planned to make the upstairs walls look good the next day too.

/

Merle wanted her to see that she could still have fun in Clayton, so he decided to ask her if she wanted to catch a movie that night. Sure, she had turned him down, but she also said they were friends.

“Just say no if you don't want to, but did you maybe wanna go see a movie or something...as friends?”

“I'd like that, thanks.”

“Great. I'll go home and take a shower and swing back to pick you up.”

“Sounds good,” she smiled.

Merle got home to find Axle drinking with some goofs from the bar and playing cards at the table.

“Where you going now?” Axle asked. “Baking more cupcakes?”

“Shut up. I'm taking Carol out to a movie.”

“Carol Peletier?” one of the men scoffed.

“Yeah, Carol Peletier,” Merle answered, wondering what the scoffing was about.

“She's damaged goods, man. Her man used to give her a lickin' every other night. She'll be nothing but baggage as long as she lives.”

Merle grinned and grabbed the guy by the scruff of his shirt and threw him out onto the deck with a good swift kick to add insult to injury.

“Stay the fuck outta my house,” he snapped and slammed the door behind him.

“What the fuck, Merle?” Axle exclaimed.

“You bring him in here again and I'll toss your ass out too.”

“What the fuck?”

Merle ignored him and jumped in the shower to get cleaned up. He was in a fresh shirt and a clean pair of jeans within an hour and arrived back at Carol's place to find her on the front steps in a pretty sundress.

“I know it's just a friend date but I haven't been out with someone nice in years, I just felt like dressing up a little. Is it too much?”

“You look gorgeous,” he insisted. “Come on.”

Merle drove them in his work truck to the tiny theatre downtown and picked up tickets to see a romantic comedy because the only other movie playing featured mainly CGI dinosaurs and was aimed at children. He bought popcorn and M&Ms for her and they found a seat in the back row.

“Thanks for getting me out of the house tonight,” she smiled. “It's been a while since I ventured to anywhere but the grocery store.”

“It's my pleasure. I'm just happy you're agreeing to be seen with me given that I have such a shitty reputation.”

“We're both gossip fodder, we should stick together,” she sighed.

“It's not so bad here, Carol. People will find something else to talk about in time and then it won't seem as weird. You could maybe just find a new house and see how you feel in a year or two, hey?”

“Merle?”

“Yeah?”

“Why does me moving bother you?”

He fidgeted with his popcorn and decided that trying to flirt again would be pointless, he already knew she wasn't into it. He settled on being honest but keeping any flirtation out of it.

“You're my friend...I like hanging out with you. I'd miss you if you left.”

“Houses don't sell too fast up here so it's anyone's guess if I'll be able to go anyway,” she noted.

It was true. Houses didn't move very quickly in Clayton and never had.

Merle didn't care about the movie and found himself more than once looking over at Carol in the dark. She ate popcorn one piece at a time and he'd never seen anyone do that before. Every little thing she did seemed to attract his attention and it dawned on him that he was falling for the one woman in town who already said she wasn't interested. It was just like him to do something that stupid.

After the movie, he drove her home and said he'd be back again in the morning to work on the walls again.

“I appreciate this, I had a really nice time tonight,” she smiled.

“Me too. Maybe we could do it again sometime.”

“I'd like that.”

She started to dig in her purse for her keys and he decided to go for a hug since she said hugs were OK. He'd take what he could get in terms of time and contact with her.

“Hugs still OK?” he asked.

“Always OK,” she smiled.

Merle reached out to pull her close, leaning his head down enough to ever so slightly touch her neck with his lips. It didn't make sense, the way it felt to hug Carol. Merle had a fancy lawyer and Sasha basically jumping him with zero provocation and it's not that he didn't enjoy it, but those experiences didn't do nearly as much for him as just brushing Carol's neck with his lips. She didn't seem to notice or mind, he couldn't tell which, so he let it linger for longer than most people would have.

“You give good hugs,” she sighed as he finally backed away.

“I like hugging you...I don't think I've hugged anyone else in a long time.”

“You probably skip the hugging part usually, huh?” she teased.

“Yeah, I guess I do. It's a shame, cause I really like it, at least with you I do.”

She didn't seem to know what to say then, but she smiled at him sweetly and as they said goodnight he knew he was well and truly fucked. He wanted her so bad he could taste it and it would probably never happen. He felt like it's what he deserved after everything he'd done, after what he'd done to Tyreese.


	6. ~ What Does it Mean

_Lover - Taylor Swift_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMtN4sOvhqY>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ What Does it Mean?

**Chapter 6**

Merle arrived at Carol's place the next day to finish up the walls although he did want the job to last a lot longer. He figured he probably should get moving on other jobs and stop wishful thinking his time away.

“I guess I'll be done today,” he noted as he started on the painting phase of the wall repair.

“It looks amazing. You're so talented,” she complimented.

“What are your plans for the rest of the summer?” he asked.

“I was thinking I might get away for a week if I can find a cabin to rent nearby.”

“That'll be good. Relaxing.”

“I'm a little freaked out to be in the woods alone but I like the idea of just getting away from this place to get my head straight.”

“There's some cabins up at Black Rock Mountain and the area's pretty well lit and safe. I was up there a couple years ago for a fishing trip with Daryl before he left. I got a big sharp knife you can take along to scare off bad guys if you like,” he chuckled.

“Nice,” she laughed. “How's the drive up there? I'm not so great on mountain trails in my little car.”

“It's a little narrow and twisty in places. If you wanted, I could drive you up there and pick you up at the end of the week.”

“Are you going away at all this summer?”

“Nobody to go with,” he shrugged.

“And the fishing good up there?”

“It was really good. It was a really nice place to stay, I could find the number for you if you want.”

“Thanks, but I still feel weird about going alone...”

“No work friends to call from the school?” he asked.

“They're all married with kids, it's hard for them to get away.”

“That's a shame.”

“Merle?”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe you could come along...”

“Oh! You'd want me to? Yeah, if you want me to I'd be happy to.”

“Is that weird to ask of a male friends?” she winced.

“Hell no, it's all good. I'd love to come with you.”

When he replayed the conversation later on he could see the signs that she was hinting for him to go with her but in the moment he hadn't seen it at all. Still, he wasn't sure what it meant, if anything.

“I would feel more comfortable with you there, if it's not inconvenient for you. I'll pay. I still have a fair amount of insurance money from the accident.”

“I ain't having you pay for me, but I'll happily come along. Thanks for asking.”

“No problem. I'll call and see if I can get something booked tomorrow.”

Maybe it was as innocent as it sounded but if he had a chance to spend more time with her he'd take it no matter what it meant. She made him feel like a better person even if he wasn't.

/

The next day, he had a job to do that didn't involve spending the day staring at Carol's place and it was a lot less fun. He was installing a new railing in a bathroom at the town hall and it was a boring job. On the way out he stopped to have a word with the mayor.

“Hey, Dale. How goes it?”

“Not bad, and you?”

He noticed a piece of paper on the desk that mentioned the “Habitat for Humanity” group and asked what it was about.

“We were asked if we wanted to fix up some of the run-down properties in town for needy families but we don't have a foreman for the project.”

“And why the hell didn't anyone ask me?” Merle huffed.

“Uh...I figured you were already pretty busy. This isn't going to pay very well or anything, it's basically a volunteer job.”

“I'm the most experienced serviceman in town and I'd be happy to run a crew to fix some places up.”

“Really?” Dale exclaimed.

“Yeah, really.”

“Would you be able to get started this week?”

“Yep. I'm taking a little fishing trip soon but I can get to work pretty quick.”

“That's fine. The actual work probably won't start for a while but we needed someone to go around and see which properties are viable to save and give us estimates.”

“Sure thing. I have a lot of contacts in different areas, I can get deals on supplies,” Merle noted.

“I can't believe this. I'm sorry that we didn't think to call you.”

“Well, keep me in mind in the future. I'm making some time for charity shit lately.”

“Good to know,” Dale laughed.

/

Merle was given a list of properties and went around with Dale over the next few days to check them out and made a lot of notes about the ones that could be salvaged for a good price.

He was just leaving the last property when he got a text message from Carol about the trip.

_**~ I could only book the trip for 6 days from now. It'll be July 10 th to the 15th. Is that too soon?** _

_**~ Works fine for me. I told the Habitat people I'm going on a trip and all the other jobs I got lined up are one day things I can knock out before I go.** _

_**~ Habitat people?** _

_**~ I'm gonna be running a crew to fix up some houses, it's that Habitat for Humanity thing** _

_**~ If you need a volunteer, you know where I am** _

_**~ Awesome. Thanks:)** _

_**~ If you have nothing going on this week, maybe we could see another movie or something.** _

Merle grinned and nodded his head.

_**~ Sounds good to me** _

_**/** _

Merle took her up on her suggestion to see a movie a couple of days later and it was just as hard to concentrate as the first time they went to the theatre. He really liked being with her but he didn't have a clue what was happening. With all the women he slept with in town it was obvious what they wanted and that it's all they wanted. Carol wanted things from him that none of the other women did. She wanted to know how his day was, she wanted to spend time with him, she wanted to be his friend, she wanted to be seen with him. With Carol, he wasn't a dirty little secret or some ridiculous fantasy that he knew damn well they'd want to forget the next day, with Carol he was a person and he loved that.

The trip to the cabin came fast. Six days of hanging out with her and chatting on the phone here and there made the time fly.

Merle packed a bag for the week up at Black Rock Mountain and eyed an unopened box of condoms on the dresser. He knew he wouldn't need them and if he was being honest, he would be happy with just a kiss at this point. Knowing that he could just walk out the door and have sex but that he didn't want to was rough and he wondered how long he could hold on.

He wanted to know exactly what Carol was thinking. Sometimes it seemed like she wanted more and then she'd say what a good friend he was. All he wanted now was Carol and she was the hardest to reach.

The big day came and he swung by Carol's house to pick her up. She was happy to have him driving instead of her and she seemed excited for the trip in general. When they hit the highway, he felt a rising tension inside that scared him. She was wearing those denim shorts again with a pretty floral top and she smelled like lilacs. It was painful to be so close to her and know that he could only have her friendship. She switched on the radio and leaned back in the seat and he sighed at how unfair it felt, even though it wasn't. He had made this bed to lay in.

**We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January  
This is our place, we make the rules  
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear  
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?**

**Can I go where you go?  
Can we always be this close forever and ever?  
And ah, take me out, and take me home  
You're my, my, my, my lover**

Merle knew then that he would end up telling her everything cause he couldn't hold it in anymore. He refused to leave Black Rock Mountain without spilling it all to her and letting the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'd laugh, maybe she'd let him down nice and gentle, but maybe she'd give him a shot and it was that slim chance that he needed to pursue.


	7. ~ To Be Alone With You

_Start a Riot - BANNERS_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXorliBQMxg>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ To Be Alone with You

**Chapter 7**

Arriving at the cabin after a long two hours was strangely like coming home. Merle was playing pretend that they were a couple and that this little rustic log cabin was their home. He didn't care if it was dumb, he'd take what he could get. He wished that he'd realized how he felt about her before he slept with half the town, Carol deserved better than that, but he couldn't change what he'd done. All he could do is hope she could look passed it.

The place was just like you'd imagine the perfect cabin in the woods. There was old wood panelling everywhere, lots of greens and reds, a mounted fish on the wall and a photo of Black Lake Mountain from the 1950s over the couch and a wood-burning fireplace. Merle made believe they were on their honeymoon.

Carol went to get washed up and they both unpacked quickly, ready to get to the relaxation and good times. She put on the same pretty dress from their friend date to the movies and he slipped into a fresh pair of jeans and a crisp white undershirt. It was hot and maybe he was hoping to attract her interest in is working man's body. He didn't hit the gym, his job left no need for it.

They went out to the backyard to have a drink in the afternoon and it was perfectly quiet and peaceful. The yard had a hammock and a BBQ and was fenced for a little privacy. The place couldn't have been better.

“This is the kind of place a person comes to start over I think,” Merle sighed as he stretched and took a nice deep breath of mountain air.

“That's true. I'm not Ed's battered wife anymore and you don't have to be The Infamous Merle Dixon anymore...we can be whoever we want,” she stated plainly, not even looking at him.

“Is it really that easy?”

“Yep. I was someone else before Ed and you were someone else before Daryl moved away...those people are still inside us.”

“Never thought of it like that.”

Merle knew that this was the day to be honest. If it didn't work today, it never would.

/

The afternoon was lazy and he ended up just laying on the opposite end of the couch from her, watching her read.

“Am I boring you?” she asked. “We could go out or something if you'd rather do that.”

“I'm good right here, just like this.”

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she pressed.

“I just want to be alone with you, I don't care what we do."

She looked at him a little strangely then and he pretended not to notice. His guard was slipping already.

He thought about all the women he'd been with, how they were so into him beforehand and afterwards he felt like something they'd accidentally stepped in. The change from before and after sex was incredible and it was enough to leave a person feeling lower than dirt. Maybe that's why he kept doing it for so long, maybe he was chasing the good feeling of being wanted so desperately even if it only lasted for one night. Merle wanted to matter to someone like Carol, he wanted her to want him as much as he wanted her.

Her fingers turned each page as she read automatically and he watched her for a long time before deciding that he wanted her attention again. He pressed his foot to the bottom of hers to see how much bigger his was and waited for her to question it.

“What are you doing?” she grinned.

“Your feet are so little,” he commented.

She looked at his foot pressed to hers and smiled.

“You've just got huge feet.”

“Maybe it's both.”

She sat up straight then and held her hand out to compare it with his and he noted that her hands were little too.

Merle used it as a chance to hold her hand in his for a moment and realized he'd never felt so much from just touching a woman's hand before. The way he was feeling had to be love cause it was new and scary and all-encompassing.

“You got cold little hands,” he commented and held both of her hands to his face to warm them up.

There was a long pause where he tried to tell her everything just with his eyes and it almost felt like she could read his mind.

“You're a goof, Merle,” she grinned.

“I know, but you'll put up with me, right?” he teased.

“Of course,” she smiled and he enjoyed the moment just as it was.

Merle kicked himself for not trying for her sooner, for realizing she was the one before Ed and before all of his fucking up. Why did it have to be after she'd been so hurt and he'd been such a jackass?

/

Evening fell and he went outdoors as she had a shower to string up some patio lanterns he found in the front closet. He lit some more citronella candles and brought out a bottle of wine for her. The lawn was soft and green and he decided to lay out some blankets to look up at the stars. He needed all the help he could get on a night like this and from all the movies he'd seen, stars meant love and kissing, he hoped so anyway.

She got out of the shower and walked outside with her hair still damp in a simple pair of denim capris with a red tank top.

“Hey,” he said and she looked around at all the candles and patio lights in the summer dusk.

“Wow...looks pretty out here,” she smiled.

“I feel like lookin' at the stars. They're really bright up here in the mountains.”

She looked up and he eyed her neck, hoping he'd still get to hug her sometimes after that night.

He poured her a glass of wine and she took off her sandals to sit next to him on the blanket.

“This is just what I needed,” she said softly. “Not just being out here, I mean having you as a friend. I was so alone before and nobody spoke to me like a real person if that makes sense.”

“It makes sense...and I'm glad my friendship is good for you.”

He didn't want to use the word friendship, he was grateful for it, but he wanted more and hearing that word when he was about to bring up something like love was scary.

“It's really good for me. I didn't realize how much I needed something like this.”

“You and me both,” he agreed.

/

The minutes drifted by and soon they were tipsy and starting to ramble a little nonsense. They were laying head to head, their feet pointed in opposite directions and he couldn't recall how they ended up in that position. He reached over the top of his head and touched her forehead, making her laugh.

“Just making sure you're still there,” he joked.

They were asking random questions back and forth and she was taking a while to think of hers.

“Alright, my turn. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?” she posed.

“If I could live anywhere, I think it would be like Hawaii or something. I'd go surfing and eat pineapples every day,” he laughed.

“That would be cool until you got eaten by a shark.”

“I'd be safe. Sharks don't eat junk food.”

“Merle!”

“Joking!”

“You're too hard on yourself,” she said more seriously. “Remember I told you to let the past go.”

“I'm trying, but it's always right there, you know?”

“How?”

“Cause there's things I want now that I think I probably fucked up by who I was not that long ago.”

“Like what?”

“Starting over with someone new,” he said.

He didn't quite have the balls to come right out and show her all his cards, he was working his way into it.

“What kind of woman do you want?” she asked and he almost laughed cause she still didn't seem to know.  
“I have a very specific type of woman in mind,” he said.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yep, She’d have to be kind and pretty and have big blue eyes that you could get lost in if you look at her too long.”

Carol stayed silent so he dared to tread further.

“She'd have to be really forgiving and read a lot of books.”

Still, Carol said nothing and he couldn't tell if she was catching on yet.

“What I really want is a woman with an ugly little gnome village in her front yard, but try finding a woman like that. It ain't easy.”

“Merle-”

Her voice didn't sound like, “I love you too!”, it sounded more like, “What the hell are you saying?” and he started to ramble just trying to stay afloat.  
“I know you already turned me down once, but I'm a Dixon and we're a stubborn bunch. I’m not trying to pester you, honey, but you just got me all flustered inside and it’ll take me a long time to get this outta my system, maybe forever. I never felt like this before so who knows.”  
“Are you really done with those other women?” she asked softly.

Merle was completely done with other women and he was just tipsy enough to let his mind and mouth wander as he stared at the stars above.  
“Hell yeah, I'm done...I tell you what though, I’d rather hug you nice and slow and sneak a little soft kiss on your neck than sleep with every woman in town now...but I get it that it's probably impossible to trust someone like me. Still, I want you to know I woulda gave it all up in a second to be with you instead. Nothing I did with those women was ever worth losing a chance with someone like you. Think that’ll be the biggest regret I have in the end...but at least I can have you as a friend. If I couldn’t at least have that I’d probably lose my mind.”

She wasn't saying anything and he decided to spill it while he was already burying himself in truthful but agonizing confessions.

“It’s funny...cause all these years I’ve known you and you were right there. Wish I would have known it was you all along cause then maybe you wouldn't have ended up with him and I wouldn't have been messing around. I should have said something back in high school when you first caught my eye but I didn't figure I had much to offer you. I guess I still don't. People in town would probably feel sorry for you if you did end up with the likes of me...”

He sighed and knew he better just shut up while they were maybe still on speaking terms but he had to say one more thing first, “I just wanted you to know that I love you.”  
“Merle, stop.”  
“OK.”

He felt her hand on his face then from over his head and he closed his eyes wondering what it meant. Then she was next to him on the blanket and looking down at him.  
“Carol-”

“Shhh...”

Carol came close and lay her head on his chest, wrapped her arm around him and left him right on the edge still wondering what to think.

“Merle...I don't think you're a bad person for what happened. I understand what being lonely can do to a person. I was just scared of getting hurt again...I needed to know that you wanted me for real.”

“I rather die than ever hurt you, Carol.”

She looked up at his face then and he could see that at least in the moment, she believed him, and he decided to build on that glimmer of trust.

“You don't know how bad I wanna kiss you right now,” he sighed.

“Then kiss me,” she whispered.


	8. ~ You Call the Shots, Babe

_Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fr8c-mq70lo>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ You Call the Shots, Babe

**Chapter 8**

Merle thought about it for all of 2 seconds and then touched her cheek to bring her mouth to his. This was it, his chance to start over with someone who made him feel real.

He couldn't help the over-enthusiasm as he kissed her and soon they were breathless under the stars.

“I ain't usually this eager,” he explained.

“It's OK,” she grinned. “I like it.”

“You just get me like this...nobody else does.”

More than anything, he wanted to kiss her neck, so he did. He wanted to drift his tongue along the shell of her ear and maybe draw a little moan from her lips.

Merle kissed her just below her right ear where he had watched her pulse beating once during a movie at the theatre and he melted into her warmth as her hand came to rest on the back of his head.

“Mmmm...you're driving me crazy,” she purred.

Merle loved that something so simple was affecting her so he continued, breathing warm breath into her ear and licking her neck softly. By the time he returned to kissing her lips, her eyes were closed and she looked so beautiful he could hardly process it.

Merle's hand moved down her arm to her waist and then began to creep toward the front of her shirt. She was still over him and he loved that. He watched for signs that she wanted to stop or slow down, but didn't receive any. One of his knees urged its way between hers and she moved with it no problem, she even rocked almost imperceptibly against his thigh. Finally, he lay his hand on her chest and took in the sensation of her small but perfect breast. Merle didn't give a rat's ass about the size of breasts as long as he was able to enjoy them on occasion. He liked them big or small, he couldn't care less, he just liked them.

Carol didn't wear a padded bra so he was able to feel her nipple with his fingertips as they grazed over her red tank top. He was rock hard from what could be considered PG-13 petting and it was incredible.

/

Fire. Carol was on fire for him and couldn't wrap her mind around it. Merle Dixon was such a long shot, such a risky chance to take with her heart, but she couldn't resist him.

Everything had told her to keep it friendly and not allow herself to get carried away but then he poured out his heart under the stars and she knew that he was a risk worth taking.

Now, with his hands all over her and her mind circling the drain of sexual lust, it couldn't be stopped. He was kneading her breast with his big rough hand and moving his thigh between her legs like he knew just what he was doing to her. She knew damn well that her underwear would reveal just how effective he was when he got there. Slippery neediness was already showing all her cards for her.

She grasped a handful of his shirt against his lower back with her left hand and allowed her right hand to move down between their bodies to feel how hard he was for her. She could tell he wasn't like Ed already and she couldn't wait to see him naked, to have him on top of her, inside of her.

There on the grass, she began to pull at the button on his jeans as his right hand slipped under her tank top.

“I'm so hot for you,” he growled and she knew it was true.

She had pulled open the fly of his jeans and her hand was grasping his cock through his boxers; huge and hard, she knew just how hot he was for her.

“Wanna go inside?” he panted into her neck.

“Sure.”

Merle got to his feet, trying to keep himself in his pants and reached down to offer her a hand up.

/

Inside the cabin, he led her to his room and she sat down for a moment on the edge of the bed in the dim light.

“I don't wanna pressure you or anything,” he began. “This can go just as far as you want.”

“I'm not sure yet,” she answered and he was OK with that answer.

“Lemme know cause I'm happy that you're just giving me a shot here. I'm not expecting anything specific.”

She paused for a moment and he hoped there was nothing wrong.

“This is going to sound unbelievable but...I was only ever with him.”

Merle knew what she meant and it was hard to believe but from Carol he believed it. Carol had no reason to lie. “I've never had sex that was nice. I made out with a couple of boys in high school, but nothing beyond light petting. I just thought you should know that my only experience with this kind of thing was with Ed.”

“I'm glad you told me,” he said honestly because he had wondered if sex might be weird for her after Ed. “Let's just take it as it comes then, hey?”

“I do feel comfortable with you,” she assured him. “I just thought you should know.”

"You call the shots, babe. This is all up to you, OK?"

"Thanks," she grinned. "You calling me babe now?"

"Yup. Maybe you can give me a pet name too."

"I'll think of something...after."

Merle smiled then and bent down to kiss her and let her know he was all good with everything, none of it freaked him out and he was more than willing to be patient.

Soon she was pulling him back over her on the bed and they were right back into it. He pulled his shirt off and her hands moved over his chest like she was memorizing him by touch. He pushed her shirt up to kiss her belly in the dim bedroom where the only light was creeping in from the backyard patio lights and candles. To his delight, she unfastened her capris herself so he didn't have to guess if it was OK and his kisses went straight for her lower belly where she sighed at the sensation of his lips just above her panty lines.

/

Carol felt wild with him and safe, the number one thing was that she felt safe. She knew that she could ask him to stop and that he would. It made her really not want to stop.

She pulled off her top and stripped off her bra so that he'd know she was ready for it. Carol knew he was apprehensive to push anything so she figured the least she could do was let him know she was OK with taking her clothes off. He began to pull down her pants and she raised her hips off the bed to assist him.

Merle growled under his breath when he saw her there on the bed in only her panties. No man had ever reacted to her this way before and her heart raced out of control at the lust in his eyes.

“I wanted you so bad,” he said. “I wanna make you feel good.”

She just nodded because making actual words was impossible.

Merle moved down to the end of the bed and made the journey from kissing her feet up to her calves, knees and then thighs. Ed never went down on her and if she wasn't mistaken, that's what Merle was headed for. She swallowed deep, did that girl thing where she got self conscious about her body, and then he made her lose track of time by spreading her legs and laying his lips on the crotch of her panties. Merle growled into her loins and gripped her hips with ferocity that left her with zero doubt that he was into it.

He licked along the elastic of her underwear and pressed his full lips to hers with only thin cotton between them and she arched her back in surrender.

He had her so close and she told him so.

/

Merle knew she was about to cum in her panties so he went in for the kill, sliding a single finger under the material to trace the natural groove of her pussy. She was so wet, slippery and swollen that he felt very close himself. He imagined sinking his cock deep inside her and had to stop thinking of it or he'd never last.

He moved the fabric over more to bring his lips to hers and she hissed sharply at the sensation of his tongue slowly circling her clit.

“He ever do this?” he whispered.

“No.”

Merle smirked and closed his lips over hers, just taking a moment to kiss her there with is warm, wet lips. He wanted to butter her up nicely before he pulled the trigger.

Carol squirmed on the bed and made sounds they he wasn't accustomed to hearing; soft whimpering as if she was shocked by her own pleasure. She was out of control and he knew she'd never felt anything like it. Merle lay his hand on her belly to keep her still and pressed his tongue to her entrance for a second before drifting it slowly up and around her clit again.

She didn't say anything intelligible, she just panted and pulled him into her lady zone with both hands as she came apart. Merle loved nothing more than drowning in her ecstasy.

/

Carol lay there spent on the bed for a good couple of minutes, catching her breath and floating back down to earth and then it was on.

She stripped off his pants and rolled over top of him to feel him under her. She threw her leg over his hips and ground herself against him just to feel it, to feel how hard he was just for her. She had wanted something like this in her life all along but never had it before, she was going all in.

His dick was hot and stiff and she rolled her hips, cradling his cock between her lips and just going with the motions. She lay her hands on either side of his face and just kept it up, all the way back and all the way forward, over and over just stroking his cock with her wetness.

He was groaning as she moved on him and gripped her hips like she was hurting him; it fascinated her. She was inexperienced but this seemed to be having the desired effect on him.

“Like that?” she purred, feeling a sexual power that she never had until this very moment.

“Oh fuck....oh fuckin' hell, honey...MMmmmm!”

Carol wasn't sure exactly when to stop teasing and was considering giving him a blow job next when he suddenly went stiff all throughout his body. She grinned down at him and his eyes rolled back into his head as she felt the warmth of release between them.

“Jesus Christ, woman!” he growled and he sounded a little defeated.

Carol was thrilled that he couldn't hold on, she felt like God.

“I'm so sorry...that was just...I swear I don't normally nut this easy.”


	9. ~ Love You Like a Love Song

_ Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez and The Scene _

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg%5C)

** The Infamous Merle Dixon **

~ Love You Like a Love Song

** Chapter 9 **

* * *

She stayed with him all night and he couldn't stop grinning long after she drifted off. He still had 4 more nights, from the 11th to the 14th to be with her and he was gonna do everything he could to seal the deal. Carol was fun and sweet and sexy as hell; she was a woman he never thought he'd have.

In the morning he squirmed out from under her to grab her breakfast in bed and the whole world looked like a new place. Birds were chirping incessantly out in the yard and the sun came blinding him through the tiny window over the kitchen sink. He cut up some fruit for her and added yogurt and granola to a tray with a steaming cup of coffee and wondered who the hell he was now. Merle Dixon had never made up a tray of breakfast for a woman before. He had considered himself a gentleman if he waited for the cab with them by the door after a one-night stand. The new Merle was one of those guys from a chick flick apparently and he wasn't mad at it.

He texted Daryl quickly to let him know he'd managed to convince Carol that he was worth a shot and received back an enthusiastic text congratulating him on finally growing up. Merle rolled his eyes and walked into the bedroom to kiss her forehead and serve her the tray of food.

“Hey,” she smiled when she saw his face over her.

“Hey, beautiful. You hungry?”

She eyed the tray in his hands and the look on her face proclaimed that he'd done right by her.

“Merle. You are the sweetest man.”

“You might be the first woman to ever say that...and I'll take it.”

He sipped a cup of coffee next to her in bed and she shared the food with him like they were a little old couple.

“You wanna teach me to fish this morning?” he grinned.

“I suppose I could,” she winked and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“I like being here,” he sighed.

“Me too. I like not having to worry about what people will think of seeing us together.”

“You worried about that?”

“Not worried, cause I'm used to people saying shitty things about me in town. I'm just not looking forward to it.”

“You know...maybe we could leave together someday.”

“You think?”

“I didn't want you to go because I wanted to be with you, but I did understand your point about not wanting to stay there. I do agree that we can change like you said, and hopefully, people will see us differently, but starting over would be pretty cool too.”

“Sometimes I wonder if they could ever see us differently, maybe I was giving them too much credit.”

“Only time will tell, just promise you won't leave without me cause I'll go wherever you go.”

“Already?” she grinned.

“Already.”

/

Later that same day on the dock, they sat with fishing poles not caring if they caught a damn thing. He had her perched on the edge of the dock between his legs and he surreptitiously licked her ear and ran his hands up her thighs as she giggled in the hot sunshine.

He felt like a dummy for the night before, but she hadn't mentioned it so he hoped it was no big deal. Carol just did everything right and the fact that he actually loved her made it too hard to keep his cool.

“You know...I'm not defective in bed, I swear to God I'm not,” he said softly as she leaned back against him.

“Last night was the most incredible night of my life, don't you dare try to rain on my parade. You were perfect, it was perfect,” she insisted.

“I told you I love you, right?”

“Yes, and I love you too.”

Merle closed his eyes and drank in the moment. This is what he'd been missing and he wasn't letting her go for anything.

They spent a lazy day kissing on the dock, and in the little shop in town, and in the backyard. Everywhere they went, they were kissing and holding hands, staring into each other's eyes and whispering little sweet nothings to each other.

This was so much better than random sex, it was heaven.

/

Merle suggested a BBQ that evening and Carol made a salad to go along with the steaks he cooked up. A party was blasting across the way where a bunch of college kids were whooping it and Merle didn't even plan to tell them to shut the fuck up. The party anthem love songs they were cranking up made some sense to him at the moment and he was more than happy to let them continue all night if they wanted to.

**_ It's been said and done _ **

**_ Every beautiful thought's been already sung _ **

**_ And I guess right now here's another one _ **

**_ So your melody will play on and on, with the best of 'em _ **

**_ You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible _ **

**_ A sinful, miracle, lyrical _ **

**_ You've saved my life again _ **

**_ And I want you to know baby _ **

**_ I, I love you like a love song, baby _ **

**_ I, I love you like a love song, baby _ **

**_ I, I love you like a love song, baby _ **

They ate at the picnic table and nothing else mattered.

“So...are you gonna stay with me again tonight?” he asked after collecting the dishes and throwing them in the dishwasher inside.

“That was the plan,” she smirked.

A bottle of wine later, it was past 11 pm and they were ready for bed. Merle tried some deep breathing in the bathroom before tackling her, hoping he wouldn't lose it again. Being with a woman he really cared about was powerful stuff and he wasn't used to sexual and emotional feelings in bed.

She was in a white nightgown when he got back to the room and she looked like a woman might on her wedding night, stunning and angelic.

“Damn,” he muttered as he stood before in only his boxers.

“Hey, you,” she smiled.

Those blue eyes were hypnotic and he always felt like she was reading his mind when he looked right into them.

Merle sat down on the bed and pulled her to his face, he was going to make love to her and then that was going to be it for him. One woman for the rest of his life.

He kissed her belly through the silk and urged her down into his lap. This was is.

She came down to straddle his thighs then and he held her breasts to his mouth with his big hands on her upper back. Carol let her head fall back and he eyed her perfect neck hungrily. She ground herself on his lap and again he felt close from something that wouldn't normally faze him. He rocked her on his lap and hiked her nighty up to uncover her legs and her ass. Merle grabbed her ass with both hands and bit lightly at her throat, making her shiver with need and call out his name.

/

He was hard as stone and she needed him inside her without reservation this time. She didn't need any foreplay this time, all she needed was to make him hers.

“I need you now...don't make me wait,” she breathed and he clued right into her needs.

“Nothing else you need from me first?” he asked.

“No...just have sex with me.”

“I'm never gonna just have sex with you, that's all in the past. I'm gonna make love to you, Carol, and if you allow me to I'll keep doing it for the rest of our lives.”

“This is it, isn't it?” she asked. “This is real.”

“It's real, and I swear to God you can trust me.”

“I do.”

Merle lifted her into his arms to lay her on the bed beneath him and decided that the only thing that mattered was being one with her. He grabbed a condom from the nightstand and in only seconds, he was between her thighs, kissing her madly and feeling the desperation in her touch for him. He never felt more worthy than when Carol was laying her hands on his skin that first night.

Merle entered her without any hesitation from her and just looked at her eyes as she winced in pleasure and then pulled his lips to hers.

They were connected in a way that he would never be with anyone else.

/

The sensation of him inside her was as she expected, all-encompassing and the most sexually and emotionally fulfilling experience of her life. Merle kept his eyes on hers and she could feel love, without words or actions, just from the way he looked at her.


	10. ~ Just Merle...

_Favourite Boy - Half Moon Run_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qS5KsfHio8>

* * *

**The Infamous Merle Dixon**

~ Just Merle

**Chapter 10**

The week was nothing but goodness. He made her laugh whenever he could, kissed her for hours just because and made love to her three more times. They watched movies, he gazed at her while she read books and they spent a few more afternoons fishing. It was hard for Merle to believe anyone could have a problem with their new love, but something told him to be cautious about flaunting it in town.

They headed back on the last day and the moment the city limits came into view, Carol shivered and he understood why.

“It's like someone walked over my grave,” she winced. “I think I just might hate this place.”

“If things don't go well, we can just leave,” he suggested.

Merle wasn't about to see her sad about anything, life was too short and he had so much to live for now.

The first few days back were OK, Merle got caught up with work, hung out with Axle a little and finished up arranging the team for Habitat for Humanity. Carol listed her house with a local agent just to see if she got any bites and life moved on.

/

Plans were already in motion to get their first family into a house. It wasn't necessary to have a huge vetting process in a small town where it was obvious who needed the help. A young single mother who's boyfriend had been killed at work was chosen to receive the first home and she was ecstatic. Merle was sent to the law office to finalize paperwork on a little house that had been donated by a man who just didn't want to bother selling his dad's old place after he passed away. Apparently, his old man had been a heavy collector and the place was a bit of a fixer-upper anyway.

Merle didn't want to see Andrea, but he had a commitment to keep and made himself walk up to her office, to the very door he had fixed with his own hands.

“Come in.”

She was smug as he expected and wasted no time asking him about Carol. News got around fast.

“Things are good,” he nodded simply.

“You know, I ran into her just this morning and I praised her for being so understanding.”

“Understanding?”

“Well, not everyone around here is willing to start a relationship with the town player and I reminded her that people at the school will probably have a lot to say about it.”

“Did you now,” he shot back, glaring at her from across her huge fancy desk.

“It's something she should be prepared for, don't you think? Your bad reputation might really drag her down and she's already been through so much,” Andrea said, feigning sympathy.

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

“Women have to look out for each other, Merle. I think she really took my words to heart and that's a good thing. She should start over with someone who won't make her life harder.”

Andrea finished signing the paperwork and slid it back over the desk to him. Merle was so angry that the only thing that came to his mind was a cheap shot that he later felt was beneath him but he couldn't help it.

“Of all the women I fucked in this town, I regret you the most.”

“And why is that?” she snapped.

“You were boring. I barely remember it at all,” he stated coldly and walked out like it was nothing.

He was panic-stricken as he left her office though, he was terrified that Andrea's words had changed Carol's mind. He had only spoken to her the night before, but maybe something had changed.

Merle hopped in his truck and raced to her house praying that he could still convince her to keep their relationship going.

He knocked at her door and found her answering with a smile just like always.

“Hey you, thought you were coming over tonight,” she said simply.

“Uh...yeah, well I ran into Andrea just now and I figured I should come by and see if everything was OK.”

Carol chuckled and he had a great feeling inside that it was all going to be OK.

“She's such a bitch,” Carol grinned. “I don't care what she has to say. I'm still thinking we should move away, but I couldn't care less about the idiots in this town.”

“Thank Christ!” he sighed. “She said you were taking what she said to heart and I just about lost it.”

“Trust me, it's all good,” she smiled. “You in the mood for a quickie?”

Merle couldn't believe his newfound luck and stepped across the threshold to pull her into his arms. Everything moved fast and he was blinded by emotion and love. Merle felt redeemed like nothing could touch him with Carol by his side. She was his salvation and his angel. He kissed her hard and pressed her to the living room wall where there had once been a hole. Nothing felt like kissing Carol, she was all he wanted in life.

Soon they were out of breath and tearing at each other's clothing to feel each others skin against their own. It wasn't bedroom sex, this was living room sex and they didn't care if the whole town was peering through the window. They were rebels and nobody could stop them.

Carol was laid out on the living room rug and he preyed upon her body, licking his way down to her belly and thanking her over and over just for being his.

“I'll never want anyone like I want you, honey...you're it for me.”

“Good...me too,” she panted. “Now don't stop...”

He held her by the hips and tasted her perfect womanhood, delving his tongue between her slippery folds to lure her into his web. She writhed on the ground, pulling his face into her core and moaning his name so sweetly. Merle was in heaven and never wanted to be away from her.

Carol sat him down on her couch before the open from window and proceeded to blow his mind for the whole world, if they happened to be walking by, to see. She knelt between his thighs and did things to his dick that he could hardly believe. She worked him over like pleasing him could save the world.

By the time she crawled onto his lap, slid a condom down his length, and began to ride him, he was close to finished already, His stamina couldn't measure up to how flustered she made him, he didn't last as long as usual.

She kissed him sweetly, fucked him good and whispered into his ear that she loved him. Merle was saved and happier than he'd ever been, but the question still popped out of nowhere without him even really considering it.

“Carol, will you marry me?”

“What?”

“Fuck!" he winced. "Too soon?”

“No...uh...just a second though....Mmmmm...”

She took the next few minutes to grind on him just right and he helped her get there by sucking her breasts the way he knew she liked, all the while awaiting her reply.

“Oh God...oh my God yes!”

She collapsed against him for a moment and caught her breath before grinning up at him and say yes.

“Yeah?” he exclaimed.

“Yes.”

“Not too soon?”

“A little maybe, but I don't care.”

“You won't be sorry, honey. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you happy and I swear I'll never hurt you.”

“I know that. I trust you...now let's finish this off, shall we?”

Merle wanted to walk onto her front porch and scream to the whole town that she was going to marry him, that they were wrong about him, that he wasn't the town joke anymore, but he had better things to do. He lay her on the couch, looked deep into her eyes and made love to her nice and slow, nice and sweet. He was just Merle now; _The Infamous Merle Dixon_ was long gone and never coming back.

_**~ The End** _


End file.
